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normal friends vs. redneck friends


FRIENDS: Never ask for food
REDNECKS: Are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
REDNECKS: Call your parents mom and dad.

FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REDNECKS: Would be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we fucked up...but that shit was fun!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
REDNECKS: Cry with you. with the good and the bad

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REDNECKS: Keep your shit so long they forget it's yours.

FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REDNECKS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
REDNECKS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
REDNECKS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REDNECKS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REDNECKS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste!!"

FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REDNECKS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

Good reasons to love the south!

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did MORE work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw 'Bambi'. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards (ducks) are making their final approach, we will shoot it (the phone). You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass, over ice, and is really, really sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened-- add a LOT of water.


10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So, you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine (it's farm equipment) that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and crappie. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like (money). Get it - pig farms - income - money? Get over it. Don't like the smell? Interstate 85 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or fishing season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamond backs, and they're not baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them --enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there, why not stay there?

26. And no, down here we don't have an accent, you do. In God we trust.

You call me, "redneck" ,"hillbilly", "slaker" , "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey", "Gringo" and you think it's OK.

...But when I call you Nigger, porch monkey, coon,jiggaboo, Kike, sand nigger, rag head ,Towelhead, WOP, Camel Jockey, Gook, slant eyes or Chink you call me a racist.

-You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

-You have the United Negro College Fund.

-You have Martin Luther King Day.

-You have Black History Month.

-You have Cesar Chavez Day.

-You have Yom Hashoah

-You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi

-You have the NAACP.

-You have BET.


-If we had WET(white entertainment television) ...we'd be racist.

-If we had a White Pride Day... you would call us racist.

-If we had white history month... we'd be racist.

-If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives... we'd be racist.

-If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships...you know we'd be racist.

-In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights...you would call us racist.

-Did you know that some high school students decided to make a club for only the white students because the other ethnicities had them... they all got sent to court for being racist but the african-american, Latino, and Asia clubs were not even questioned.

-You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.



I am white.

I am proud.
But, you call me a racist.



Why is it that only whites can be racists?